Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
