My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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