Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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