Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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