Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Randomize
