My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it's great music for shaving your balls
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
