How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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