Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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