i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
