She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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