I got her a Nickelback box set.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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