oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
