I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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