Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
