I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
