Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize