HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
pray to the hookup gods
Pants are for mortals
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
