Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
