So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
