just tell him i said nine months
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
