Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
