In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
