all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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