My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
