I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize