Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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