Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
