dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
