apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
