Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I sprained my soul last night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
