Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if i can run in heels then i can drive
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
