ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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