So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
