we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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