Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
