I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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