Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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