More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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