I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
