FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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