my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
