it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
