Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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