:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
