I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
