I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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