We won't sleep together?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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