The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm too high and old for this...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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