Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
