My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
