I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize