who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
