This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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