Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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