Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just threw up on my dentist
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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