I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
God, I missed his penis.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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