I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize