took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
