At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
