So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
